Accept Other People As They Are
It is normal to wish that other people were different, just as it is reasonable to wish that you were different. It is fine to try to influence others in skilful and ethical ways. However, problems arise when you tip into righteousness, resistance, anger, fault-finding, pestering, or any other kind of struggle.
To accept other people as they are does not mean allowing yourself to be maltreated or walked over by others. It means that you stop resisting the "what is" of the present moment by wishing it was different.
Accepting other people as they are does not mean agreeing with them, approving of them, waiving your rights, or downplaying their impact on you. It is about treating people as neither inferior nor superior to you. It is giving others the freedom to express themselves without the fear of being negatively judged. And it is about interacting with others without prejudice or bias; and accepting the way race, religion, gender, social class, sexual orientation, age and disability, are at the core of human identities. Understand that every human being has integrity and accept them just as they are.
However, you can take appropriate actions to protect or support yourself or others. Or you can let other people be themselves. Either way, you accept the truth and reality of the other person. You may not like it, and you may feel sad or angry about it; but at a deeper level, you will be at peace with yourself. That alone is energising. And sometimes, your decision to accept others as they are can help things get better than if you tried to change them.
You may be unable to accept someone, or many people, for countless reasons, and this has led you to think, speak or act negatively. For example, you may have difficulty accepting your spouse because he or she snores. He or she may also have little interest in sex or is unable to keep and maintain high personal hygiene. For other people, acceptance may be difficult for various reasons. But whatever the reasons are, remember that you can disagree with, make requests of, or stand up to other people and still accept them entirely.
When you accept other people, you can tolerate whatever comes up for you. And many times, you avoid accepting other people as a way of avoiding the feelings you would have if you accepted them. Now, consider how you got entangled with this other person, struggling to change him or her. When you do this, you will become aware of your rightness or wrongness, judgments, narrow views, hurts, longings, grievances and remorse. See if you can let go of some or even all of these entanglements. You will experience the comfort, the relief, and the peace of mind that come when you so do.
Also, consider how much you will like it when you know that someone else accepts you completely, just the way you are. It is a beautiful gift which you can also give to others when you accept them. Imagine how it can help improve your relationship with someone if that person knows that you accept him or her fully. Accepting others is a gift that gives back to the giver.
HOW TO ACCEPT OTHERS AS THEY ARE
You may have, at one time or another, had a hard time "fitting in" somewhere. Whether it was at school or work, in a group of friends, or even in your family, you can relate to feeling unaccepted at one time or the other. On the flip side, you can also think of a time when you had trouble accepting other people.
Acceptance is the ability to allow other people to be who they are. That means having a right to their opinions, feelings and thoughts. When you accept people as they are, you let go of your desire to change them. You allow them to feel the way they want to feel, and you let them be different and think differently from you. Everyone is different in one way or the other. Once you come to terms with this truth, you will be able to stop trying to change others to the people you want them to be, and start accepting them for who they are.
Acceptance of others is not easy when people act differently from the way you do. Many of us have trouble accepting those who are different. By learning the skill of acceptance as enunciated in this book, you will be better able to understand yourself and those who are different from you.
Acceptance of other people means dropping judgment and expectations of how you think people should act. It also means releasing the superiority complexes you might pick up at times when you feel more evolved spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. The truth is that you will never fully know what is going on in someone else's life. You may not know the full truth and all their stories; though, many times, you may try to write your version of their stories to suit your ego's best interest.
We have all been given very different lots in life, and so how we handle what life throws at us will be different. The point here is that it is not your duty to judge others for how they live their lives. It is not even your job to change people to make them "better" or more tolerable. Your job is to live in love and truth consistently.
When you accept others the way they are, you give them the space to find their path and learn their truth. To accept others as they are does not mean that you have to participate in their stories or mentalities. With acceptance and compassion, comes healthy boundaries.
If you are struggling in a relationship or situation with another person, try switching your mindset to allow them to be where they are on their path at that moment. Do not try to change them. Do not allow yourself to get wrapped up in their story. Just accept them and notice what happens